Tim's Phone Calls - The Meta Arc¶

How Tim Discovers Himself Through Bloody Catboy¶

Overview¶

Tim is 15-17 years old (at the end I will settle with 16 or 17 but I do not want to decide yet), somewhere in that uncertain space of high school. He's a geek—loves anime, sci-fi, fantasy. Reads Asimov and Le Guin alongside Tolkien and Marion Zimmer Bradley. Plays Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with some guys who share the hobby but aren't really friends. They're just people who happen to roll dice together.

Tim considers himself to have exactly one real friend: Chris. They're in the same class, share many interests, though Chris leans more toward being an outdoor person. Chris will nerd out with Tim when the mood strikes, but he also has other things going on—including a girlfriend. They're best friends in the truest sense, which means Chris tolerates Tim's tendency to Call at the strangest times, day or night, whenever something has grabbed hold of Tim's brain and won't let go.

During October fall break, that something is Bloody Catboy—a late 90s anime Tim discovered on a sketchy streaming site. He watches all the episodes, then immediately starts rewatching. During the Episode 1 rewatch, something breaks open in him. He has to Call Chris. Has to talk about this show. Has to process what he's feeling through explaining every detail to someone who will listen.

What Tim doesn't realize—what he can't articulate yet—is that he's having his gay awakening through Jax. Through watching someone discover who they are, choose how to present themselves, find their people. Through being unable to stop noticing how beautiful Jax is. Through getting defensive when Chris notices he's noticing.

By the end of October, Tim knows. He knows he's gay, knows the show changed something fundamental in him, knows there are people out there who will understand. But he hasn't said it yet. That happens off-page. The website he creates in February—transcribing these Calls, sharing this story—is him starting to act on it. Starting to connect. Starting to find his people.

The Calls¶

Prelude: "Your Remember How..."¶

Time: 2am, first night of fall break Length: ~5 minutes of setup Trigger: Finished all episodes, immediately started rewatch, Episode 1 ending (the purring scene) broke him Tim's state: Manic, three Monster energy drinks, can't sleep, won't let Chris sleep What he's doing: Framing the situation, making Chris stay on phone, multiple false starts, "I need to tell you about this show RIGHT NOW"

Key moments: - Ring ring, ring ring, click - "You remember how you always tell me I get way too invested in TV shows?" - Chris tries to go back to sleep—Tim refuses - "I know it's 2am but I KNOW your phone isn't on mute" - "I finished all episodes then immediately started rewatching episode one" - Forces Chris to make coffee, waits - Multiple attempts to start, keeps restarting - "Let me tell you about Jax"

Tim's emotional state: Pure manic energy, needs to SHARE this, can't wait, vibrating with excitement and something else he can't name yet

Call 1: "Okay So There's This Guy"¶

Time: 2am (continues immediately from prelude) Length: Long (~30+ minutes equivalent) What he tells: - Episode 1 (trying desperately to go in order) - The opening: boots, aesthetic, blood, neon, city - Jax walking through the city - The cigarette scene - Finding Dignitas Humana tower: "Found you" - Title card - Break-in at Helix Genomics - Finding the file: "SERIES GAMMA - UNIT 1 (PROTOTYPE)" / "STATUS: DEFECTIVE" - "His hand is shaking looking at that word" - Burning the building - THE PURRING SCENE: why he had to Call, can't stop thinking about it, the rain, the lighting, the music, Jax just BEING

Then backtracks: - "Wait I need to explain WHO he is first" - Spoils entire backstory (Episodes 2-3) because he can't help it - The Doll House, what happened there, why he's "defective" - The escape (hasn't gotten to Episode 4 yet but knows from Episode 1) - "And THAT'S why he's hunting people"

Tim's state: Breathless, interrupting himself constantly, jumping around chronologically, getting frustrated he can't explain it RIGHT

Obsessions: - How Jax looks: "objectively good," "well-designed character" - The aesthetic: describes every piece in detail - "Can't a guy say another guy looks good? How old are you? Ten?" - The purring moment: keeps coming back to it, can't articulate WHY it matters so much - The cat ears: "lowkey cute" (defensive about noticing) - The cinematography: blue and pink neon lighting, composition, framing

Seeds of awakening: - Getting defensive about noticing Jax is attractive before Chris even says anything - Describing Jax's appearance in extreme detail - "I'm just appreciating the ANIMATION quality" - Can't stop thinking about that one moment (the purring) - Something about it felt... important? Personal? Can't say why

Ends: "I need to watch Episode 2 again. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Call 2: "Wait There's This Mental Map Thing"¶

Time: Next day, afternoon Length: Medium (~15 minutes) What he tells: - Just the mental map scene from Episode 3 - "I know you haven't seen this yet but it's SO COOL" - Describes the visualization: holographic 3D city, all the connections, how Jax has been memorizing everything - "The city is SO BIG and he's just tracking it all in his HEAD" - The animation quality, the neon colors, the way it rotates

Tim's state: Excited about the craft, more comfortable talking about technical aspects than emotions

Obsessions: - The visual design - How it shows Jax's intelligence - "He's so SMART" (admiring tone) - The colors and lighting

Seeds: - Admiring Jax's mind, not just appearance - Getting invested in how Jax THINKS - "He's been planning this for so LONG"

Ends: "Okay I'm gonna keep watching. You should catch up."

Call 3: "I Need To Talk About The Doll House"¶

Time: That evening (Chris trying to meet girlfriend) Length: long (~40 minutes equivalent) What he tells: - Finally actually explaining The Doll House (Episodes 2-3) - The display room: hollow faces, all the same outfits - "Bro I have NEVER seen such empty faces" - The sessions (summarizes quickly—uncomfortable subject) - Jax performing, surviving, planning - The first theft (bathroom tile) - Handler's frustration: "You're not LEARNING" - Jax's realization: "They don't care what I feel, they care what I do" - The first kill: "He did it because he CHOSE to" - The stolen clothes: describes every piece - "This is HIS aesthetic, he CHOSE it" - The transfer order, preparation, the night before

Tim's state: Girlfriend keeps calling Chris, Tim refusing to let him go, "This is IMPORTANT"

Obsessions: - The hollow faces (craft appreciation) - Jax's stolen outfit: describes in EXTREME detail - "The hoodie that falls off his shoulder—it's his THING" - The mismatched arm warmers: neon pink, black with green stripes - "This is who he IS" - The choice aspect: Jax choosing his presentation

Seeds: - Spending way too long describing the outfit - "The aesthetic is INTENTIONAL" - Understanding why the clothes matter (presentation as identity) - Getting emotional about Jax having choice

Ends: Chris has to go to see girlfriend, Tim frustrated: "FINE but watch Episode 3 before tomorrow"

Call 4: "The Transformation Scene"¶

Time: 7pm next day Length: long (~35 minutes) What he tells: - ONLY the transformation scene from Episode 4 - The entire call is dissecting this ONE scene - The van, the crash, the kills (rushed through in 2 minutes) - Then: THE SCENE - "He reaches under the seat and pulls out a bag" - "He planted it somehow, he's a PLANNER" - Music starts: soft piano and strings - He takes off the property jumpsuit - Close-ups of his body, his scars - "The lighting is blue and pink neon through the windows" - "You can see the history written on his SKIN" - Every piece of clothing going ON: - Black jeans - Fishnets - Hoodie (falls off shoulder immediately) - Mismatched arm warmers - Combat boots - "He looks at himself in the mirror" - "And he SMILES" - "Real smile, dangerous smile, FREE smile" - The music swells - "The CINEMATOGRAPHY is just really GOOD"

INTERRUPTED: Doorbell rings mid-call THE PACKAGE: Tim goes to door, signs for package, comes back - "What? Just something I ordered" - "It's just an oversized hoodie, it's NOT important" - "Can we get BACK to the scene?" - Gets increasingly flustered about the package - Chris clearly asking what he ordered - "It's for— it's just— look can we focus on the Episode?"

Tim's state: Extremely flustered, defensive, CAUGHT

Obsessions: - Every single detail of Jax getting dressed - The scars (describes them extensively) - The lighting: "blue and pink, reflecting off his skin" - The music: "soft and intimate" - How Jax transfroms from property to himself - "This is who he IS" - Getting very detailed about Jax's body: "I'm just appreciating the animation"

Seeds: - The Package (black oversized hoodie) - Extreme defensiveness about describing Jax's body - "What? I'm NOT staring, I'm just— the technical QUALITY—" - Can't stop talking about how Jax looks - "The way the lighting hits his— I mean the way they FRAME—" - Accidentally spoils: "And later he finds community and—" (too emotionally invested)

Ends: Very awkward, needs to GO, "I'll call you later"

Call 5: "I Didn't Recognize He Was Happy"¶

Time: Next day, morning Length: short (~5 minutes) What he tells: - Just rewatched Episode 7 (Found Family) - "There's this scene where he's with these people" - "And he's smiling" - "Not the dangerous smile—a real smile" - "He looks happy" - "Why didn't I SEE this the first time?" - "I was so focused on the action I missed—" - "He's genuinely happy"

Tim's state: Emotional, raw, almost crying

Obsessions: - Jax being genuinely happy - Missed it first watch, caught it on rewatch - What it means that he's HAPPY

Seeds: - "Wait you can just CHOOSE family?" - "Like not related, not made, just DECIDE?" - "They just found each other and said 'we're family now'?" - Mind visibly EXPLODING at concept - "I never thought about it like— OF COURSE you can but I never THOUGHT—" - Projection: recognizing Chris as chosen family - Wondering: could the D&D guys be this if he let them?

Ends: "I need to keep watching. This is— I'll call you later."

Call 6: "I Read This Livejournal Post"¶

Time: Afternoon (fall break continues) Length: medium (~20 minutes) What he tells: - Found LiveJournal community about the show - Other people obsessed too - Theory: "Jax's aesthetic is about reclaiming femininity as power" - Theory: "The cat ears are Mark of Cain metaphor" - Theory: "The transformation scene is about choosing your body as yours" - Speculation about what happens after the ending - Debates in comments - "Someone said Season 2 might happen"

Tim's state: Excited to talk theory instead of feelings, safer territory

Obsessions: - What the aesthetic means (not just that it looks good) - The symbolism he missed - Gender presentation as choice - "Soft doesn't mean weak" - "Pretty doesn't mean owned"

Seeds: - Getting very invested in analysis of Jax's gender presentation - "The way he presents is about agency" - "It's not what they made him wear, it's what he chose" - Reading queer theory into it (doesn't say it's queer theory) - "These people in the comments just get it"

Ends: "I'm gonna finish the series tonight. I'll call you when I'm done."

Call 7: "I Finisehd It"¶

Time: 4am Length: very long (~60+ minutes equivalent) What he tells: - Episodes 8-9: The Hatchery assault, the finale - Cardinal Lawrence episode: "ZERO Jax, just lore" - "It's lazy writing that he's a CLONE" - "We've seen this trope so many times" - "But also it's kind of brilliant because—" - The rampage through Helix Genomics - Found family fighting together, some dying - Destroying the growth tanks - Moving to Dignitas Humana tower - The Cardinal's office scene (describes everything): - The waiting: Lawrence calm, resigned - Alarms, red lights flashing - The door opening SLOW - Jax standing there: "Covered in blood, absolutely SOAKED" - "Backlit by red alarm light" - "Making a red HALO" - "The CINEMATOGRAPHY—" - Perfect shot: Jax/Lawrence/crucifix - All the music themes coming together - "Industrial synth and soft piano and strings ALL AT ONCE" - The conversation (brief, powerful) - Lawrence's last thought: "Oh, this bloody catboy" - Title Reveal: "THAT'S where the title comes from" - The kill - Walking out - The ending: - Jax with survivors in the rain - "What now?" "I don't know yet." - Walking into the city - Camera pulling back - Small figures in massive city - No resolution - Just walking into unknown - Fade to Black

Tim's state: DEVASTATED, nearly crying, can't process

Obsessions: - The office scene: every detail - The lighting: "Red and warm and the CRUCIFIX between them" - The music: "All the themes cuminating" - How Jax looks: "I don't even care anymore he's just beautiful" - "Covered in blood and he's gorgeous" - The title reveal: "My mind is blown" - THE ENDING: no resolution, ambiguous, open - "We'll never know what happens to him" - "Where does he go?" - "What does he become?" - "Does he ever heal?" - "It's not fair"

Seeds: - Complete emotional breakdown - "I was nearly crying" - "For this— this imaginary— this fictional— character" - "But it FEELS like more than that" - "It feels like I lost something" - "Like something ended that I didn't want to end" - "Why does it hurt so much?" - "My chest hurts, actually hurts" - "I can't stop thinking about HIM" - "About Jax" - "About how he— how he looks–" - Processing Jax's journey of self-discovery - Recognizing something in himself through Jax - Can't articulate what yet

Ends: "I need to— I'm gonna watch Episode 4 again. Talk to you tomorrow."

Call 8: "I Watched Episode 4 Again"¶

Time: Few days later, evening Length: short (~8 minutes) What he tells: - Rewatched the transformation scene (again) - "I keep thinking about it" - "How he becomes himself" - "How he chooses who to be" - "The property jumpsuit vs. HIS clothes" - "It's about choice" - "About claiming your body as YOURS" - "About presenting how YOU want"

Tim's state: Quieter, more thoughtful, processing something deep

Obsessions: - The choice aspect - Becoming yourself vs. what you're made to be - "He was made to be one thing" - "But he chose to be something else" - "And that's—" - "That matters"

Seeds: - "I think I understand why this matters so much to me" - "I think— I mean—" - "It's about— like when you—" - "When you realize you can just BE—" - Doesn't finish sentences - Changes subject quickly - "Anyway the SCENE is really well-crafted"

Ends: "I need to go. Talk later." (abrupt, running from something)

Call 9: "The Found Family Thing"¶

Time: Another day during break Length: medium (~18 minutes) What he tells: - Been thinking about Episode 7 - The found family concept - "They're not related" - "They're not made to be together" - "They just found each other" - "And decided: we're family" - "That's what family is" - "Choice, not obligation" - "Not because you have to" - "Because you want to"

Tim's state: Processing, making connections, having realizations

Obsessions: - How family works - Choice vs. blood - "You're my only real friend" (to Chris) - "The D&D guys are just— they're not—" - "But what if they could be?" - "What if I just— opened up?"

Seeds: - "What if there are more people like— like OUT there?" - "Not just Chris" - "Not just the D&D guys" - "What if there's a whole— like a family" - "People who get it" - "People who understand—" - "I just haven't found them yet" - Realizing: his people exist, he just needs to find them - There's a community somewhere - He's not alone - He just needs to go look

Ends: "Thanks for listening to me about this. I know it's been a lot. I know I've been— yeah. Thanks."

Tim's Complete Arc¶

Call 1 (Prelude + Episode 1): Pure excitement, needs to SHARE, defensive about noticing Jax is attractive, "can't a guy say another guy looks good?"

Call 2 (Mental Map): Admiring Jax's intelligence, safer to talk about craft than feelings

Call 3 (The Doll House): Obsessed with the aesthetic, describing outfit in extreme detail, understanding why presentation matters

Call 4 (Transformation Scene): The Moment—can't handle the scene, describes every detail of Jax's body, the package arrives (black hoodie), extremely flustered and defensive, something breaking open

Call 5 (Happiness): Emotional about Jax being happy, found family concept explodes his mind, "you can just chose family?"

Call 6 (LiveJournal): Finding community online, gender theory, "these people just get it," reading queerness into the show

Call 7 (Finale): Complete breakdown, nearly crying, "it feels like I lost something," processing through Jax's self-discovery, can't articulate why it hurts

Call 8 (Rewatch): Quieter, thoughtful, "I think I understand why this matters," almost says it, pulls back, runs away

Call 9 (Found Family Again): Realization: there are people out there who will understand, he just needs to find them, his community exists

By End of October: - Tim knows he's gay (doesn't say it, but knows) - Knows the show changed something fundamental - Knows there are people out there who will get it - Recognizes he can choose his people - Understands presentation as agency - Sees himself in Jax's journey

What Happens Next (Off-Page/On This Website): - Tim comes out (not shown) - Creates website (February) to transcribe calls - Starts connecting with others - Finds HIS people - The transcripts are him saying: "This happened. It mattered. Someone needs to remember."

Core Themes in Tim's Arc¶

Gay Awakening Through Fiction: Tim discovers himself through Jax. Can't stop noticing how Jax looks. Gets defensive. Describes every detail. Something about it feels personal. By the end, he knows.

The Hoodie: The package in Call 4—black oversized hoodie, "just something I ordered"—mirrors Jax's hoodie. Tim is trying on the aesthetic. Trying on identity. Seeing if it fits.

Found Family: Tim realizes: family is chosen. Chris is chosen family. There are more people out there. He just needs to find them. He's not alone.

The Power of Stories: Fiction shows us who we can be. Jax's journey gave Tim language for his own. "I think I understand why this matters so much to me."

Preservation as Connection: The website, the transcripts—Tim creating them because "someone needs to remember" is also Tim reaching OUT. Finding others who felt what he felt. Building community.

The Unsaid: Tim never SAYS "I'm gay" in these calls. But by the end, he KNOWS. The February website intro is him starting to live in that truth. Starting to connect. Starting to find his people.